Bursting

some time next month, it will be entirely possible and highly advisable to walk in to a bookstore and pick up a well observed diligently written widely quoted hardback, ok so far not worth holding the front page for; 'bookstore offers book for sale' but look closely at the cover of one in particular, the one with a series of figures with binoculars and observe closer still the author, a certain david b jones. that people we have never met or will probably never know will pour over the pages, reflect and maybe even act on the contents is almost voyuristic, david's words will penetrate the offices and boardrooms of dubai and beyond.

- see someone with the book
- honesy being a twit at home
- inspiration from bike
- toilet read

if you check out the blog linked to this one; 'seemed like a good idea at the time' you will see the aforementioned progress of the two-wheeled geriatrics on their pursuit of the famous john o groats to lands end, not the fastest or indeed remarkable in any public way but so far 750 miles of this island have been peddled by a couple who never peddled before, while the average 60 and 50 odd is contemplating a quite afternoon in the garden these two are slicked up in manmade fibres doggedly following a goal they didn't know until a month ago they had.

if its possible to be actually bursting with pride, then i consider myself suitably and deliciously deflated

Does absence make the heart grow fonder or is it out of sight out of mind

when you get married you dont plan to spend long stretches of time apart, it isnt generally in the big scheme of things. it doesnt always work out how you plan though. there are benefits to this situation, if your partner is the type to leave the top off the toothpaste of load the loo paper the wrong way on the holder (always under never over) then you can live in glorious perfection of secure tops and correct 'foxy mega'



4 months of living on different continents i am qualified to say is utterly rubbish.

so weighing up the twin faces of the being apart coin, it falls on absence makes the heart grown fonder, husband is neither out of sight nor out of mind

weekends away
watch trash tv

hang on to your hat

it comes to something when the boot thats on the other foot is not a cute kitten heel number perfect for the cooling days of autumn but the sinking feeling of worrying about the wellbeing and safety of your own parents while they embark on a 'trip of a life time'

this ill conceived journey took all of 10 minutes to be spat in to life, a further few minutes of hasty planning and then an intense interlude of purchasing and general gadgetry. the details of this endeavour are simple, they will cycle from john o groats to lands end. it bears mentioning that neither of them have any substantial, nay, any cycling history behind them. mum has a very nice ladies shopper with   basket, until recently this languished in the storage minus its saddle. she has a couple of years non-cycling on neil, but i am sure its a decent handful of decades since he climbed on anything two wheeled that didn't have the full compliment of ccs.

their daily blog is at least reassurance they are not languishing, lycra clad, in a ditch, but god forbid they are late in its delivery i am a mess of anxiety. are they safe, warm enough, have they eaten, applied sufficient sudacrem to their nether regions etc i just cant get behind gordon ramsey and his supposed kitchen nightmares (dubbed in italian) when i don't know if they've hung their high vis vests up for the night or are still battling against the wind uphill in the armpit of scotland my mum channeling her repertoire of verbal vulgrities in 3 languages.

no there is nothing for a daughter to do, but cut the apron strings and let them fly, now.....flying john o groats to lands end, thats a journey i can hang my hat on.

boxed sets

when you live away from home its more than family you miss, in fact often it isnt family you miss at all...

i never thought tea bags would become such a hot commodity, the criteria for the choice of supermarket  being the availability of lady gray, or not. rumours in the town abound when heinz less sugar beans are back on the shelves, friends call each other to take orders and fill trollies directly from the warehouse. 

you can get used to washing powder, allergies permitting, and new breakfast radio DJs different voices, the same bla bla bla and well worn tunes, but the one thing, the one thing that never gets easier is the telly. Foreign telly sucks. Even if the programs are from home the timings are all wrong, endless repeates and woefully retro shows with no hint of irony. 

this makes the hottest the ticket in the expat community the boxed set, fresh firm conversation fodder, gluttonously consumed often in obscenly indulgent celluloid sessions drifting in to the wee hours. your cache and social circle can be measured by the library of gold dust wrapped in cardboard presented in disk form; the boxed set

well worn boxed sets in the LLSP household
- gavin and stacy
- modern family
- breaking bad
- nip tuck
- sex and the city (sorry)

calling your baby ugly

when you've been on your own a while, hard graft setting everything up from scratch, getting somebody new in the team is theoretically a moment to rejoice in reduced workload, shared responsibility and someone to bounce ideas off. but hold on, brace yourself it begins with more work, first there is the preparation, new people need a desk, a laptop, they need a phone a number, they don't know where the stationery lives, you need to show them around and introduce them to other people, some of whom you've forgotten their name, let alone what contribution they make to the company where you work. 

then they ask questions, all sorts of questions why do you do this, whats the history behind this, all enthusiastic and eager to please. just when you think you can enjoy a quiet sandwich at your desk they turn up with their note book. remember that great idea you had last year, the one everyone talked about, and your head office really loved, well apparently its shit and they do something far better, more shiny and wow in the real world where newly comes from.

they come with ideas you secretly wish you had, or you have had but couldn't be arsed to do as it seems too much like hard work, your colleagues suddenly view you with a sceptical eye, why did they think you were so great, maybe they never did.

so prepare yourself getting someone new in the team isn't about getting home earlier and getting a better work-life balance, its about someone younger, thinner, better hair but worse music taste with a brighter bigger future calling your baby ugly.

post it notes

post it notes are my new friends.

since september last year when we decided to buy several walls and what passed for a roof in a field in Devon, the subject of home renovations has loomed heavy in my mind and on my conversational rollerdex. yesterday was completion day; its our all ours. somewhere out there some banking smoke and mirrors happened and money that was never ours in the first place, transferred along with hefty sums of fees; supposedly for the arduous task of organising it all to the former owner of the brick and wriggly tin wreck changed hands and we are now the proud owners of a wreck.

this is beyond what our american cousins would call a fixer upper, its off the scale project wise, frankly its a condemned, it boasts no doors, no windows, it may have seen power at some point but I'm not sure, i have only glanced upstairs from the safety of a rickety ladder since up there no floors exist. but I'm sure once the concrete milking troughs are destructed, the harvesting equiptment moved out and ten ton of dirt removed, the first world luxuries of running water and glass introduced it will be a magnificent home, i only hope to sustain earning prowess to enjoy it. 

the orgy of home magazines is becoming a nightly affair, glossy pages of elle, homes and gardens, period living (snigger from david) inside out are poured over, no advert editorial and article left unscutinised and criticised. i trace my hand over walls in restaurants, snap pics of tiles in the bathroom and examine seat coverings at the bar, food is no longer central to going out to dinner, location chosen for interior inspiration.

the downstairs loo is overflowing with magazines, pen and a small stack of post it notes vital accessories in the smallest room, no research moment should be wasted

not enough meals in the day

sometimes there are just not enough meals in the day;

breakfast was with a former colleague, we always got on well despite the way things ended for her in our company, so i was keen to meet up when she called that she was from out of town, but i didn't bank on the entire meal being nothing but a bitch-fest about work; fortunately i tuned out after a while, since actual participation in the monologue from me was not required or even preferable, and so avoided indigestion normally associated with shop (pardon the pun) talk on a day off

lunch was with an old friend we haven't caught up in a while but it doesn't get off to a good start as leaving late from the whinging colleague I put my foot down and get flashed on the way, then I got lost in the maze that is Madinat, I find this place maddening, its faux soukes, lanes and old time stores, so by the time i reach I'm a bit fed up and not the best of company.

both these meals are punctuated by conversational teasers, this drives me insane. the game is played thus; 2, or more, people are having a conversation when party one drops enigmatic comments designed to give some, but not enough information about an exciting/juicy/secret topic and designed to prompt party two to respond with....what what what tell me.... this game playing fucks me off no end and i fall out over this with my friend later (update we dont speak for 4 months on the back of it)

high tea, or rather today champagne is taken with a current colleague and the birthday party of her one year old. i arrive early and not many are there, but soon some kind of people-kids-dog explosion happens and suddenly the modest suburban villa is bursting at the seams and filled with commotion, noise and finger food, after making myself mildly useful for half an hour i slip out on the pretext of walking my dog, a well know psycho-mutt and don't return. Fortunately my work-mate knows me well and realises it isn't personal.

dinner is alone time i make a surprisingly good Thai green curry, coincidentally what my friend at lunch had, food envy i guess

fortunately there are 3 or more meals tomorrow to look forward too all blissfully alone, i wonder whether reclusive tendencies are worrisome for someone in HR......